Terms and Conditions
(written by God Himself)
• Ownership:
By submitting content to this website, you affirm that you own or have obtained the necessary licenses, rights, consents, and permissions to submit the content you provide. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless God Answers You from any claims arising out of or related to the content you submit, including but not limited to copyright infringement, defamation, or violation of rights of publicity or privacy.
TL;DR:
Don't steal other people's stuff and pass it off as your own. I might consider adding that as an addendum to the whole "thou shalt not steal" commandment. Let's face it – that whole list of ten needs a bit of updating.
• Content Usage:
You grant God Answers You the non-exclusive, royalty-free, perpetual, and worldwide right to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, distribute, and display the content you provide in any media now known or hereafter developed. This includes, but is not limited to, featuring your question and video on God Answers You's YouTube channel, website, social media platforms, and other promotional materials
In other words, even though it's yours, I get to use it like I own it. That sounds fair, right? Mind you, I don't have a good track record with 'fairness' and 'ownership'. Remember, when I said this to the Israelites?
Leviticus 25:45 (NIV): "You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property."
Times may change, but God does not. God's morals are timeless. God's morals are eternal. God is pretty vile.
• Language:
Submitted files, and any correspondence should be in English. Submissions in languages other than English may not be considered for inclusion on God Answers You's platforms.
Asking everyone to use the same language is a bit of a turnaround, I know. Remember when I decided to make everyone speak different languages, just to confuse them and stop them working together to achieve things?
Genesis 11:6 (NIV): "The Lord said, 'If as one people speaking the same language, they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.'"
So, erm, yeah. Even though I did that, I can't be bothered to learn any of the other languages I made you guys learn. So, much like the British on holiday, I'll just expect everyone to speak English.
• Format:
Submissions should be under 30 seconds long. Longer submissions may be edited for length or may not be considered for inclusion on God Answers You's platforms. Videos are preferred for submissions, but audio-only submissions are also accepted. However, please note that video submissions are more likely to be chosen for use on God Answers You's platforms.
If your name happens to be Amy Schumer then audio probably won't be used - I don't want any copyright issues. And, of course, video certainly won't be used. Nobody wants to look at that.
Actually, I've drafted three extra commandments, inspired by Amy Schumer:
• Moderation:
God Answers You reserves the right to moderate, select, edit, or decline questions for any reason, including but not limited to relevance, appropriateness, quality, and adherence to YouTube's community guidelines.
Submission of a question does not guarantee its inclusion on God Answers You's platforms. However, it does count towards one of your five good deeds for the day. Or, is that fruit and vegetables? God always gets confused by that one.
• Privacy:
Your privacy is important to God. Well, not usually, but when it comes to this website it is. He is committed to protecting your personal information. He will not share, sell, or distribute your personal data, including email addresses, with any third parties without your explicit consent, except as required by law. The name provided with submissions may be used alongside the submission on YouTube.
As previously stated, privacy is not a thing you normally have with the Lord. He even knows what you're thinking:
Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV): "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."
It's like Christopher Hitchens once said: living with God in your life is like living in a celestial North Korea.
• Age Restrictions:
Individuals under 16 years of age must have parental consent before submitting content or making donations, in compliance with COPPA (Children's Online Privacy Protection Act).
Of course, I'm not really a fan of children. Just check out a couple of examples from my 'Good Book':
Leviticus 20:9 (NIV): "'Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head."
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (NIV): "If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us.' Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid."
Yep, this is the Bible, folks.
• Use of AI Content:
Submissions should not use AI-generated content in any way. All content must be original and created by the submitter.
We couldn't possibly have anything that suspiciously mirrors human behaviour being associated with anything God-like, now could we?
The God Delusion (1:1): "The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully."
Nailed it! I mean, erm... I'm offended.
• Donations:
By making a donation to God Answers You, you understand and agree that donations are non-refundable. Your donation is voluntary. Any reward or compensation is at the discretion of God Answers You and is not promised in exchange for a donation. Donations are not tax-deductible (unlike donations to real churches).
God Answers You is not a religious organisation, although is about as useful as one. Actually, donations to God Answers You do work in a similar way to religious donations i.e. God himself doesn't actually get any of your hard-earned cash.
Although historically, God is no stranger to asking for your money Himself. Remember when God hassled the Israelites for not giving enough tithes and offerings, and made his blessings conditional?
Malachi 3:8-10 (NIV): "Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How are we robbing you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."
Yep, He's always been greedy, Divine barterer. He loves to trade fanciful blessings for those juicy offerings. Of course, the offerings always end up in the pockets of his 'representatives' here on Earth. And the blessings? Well... they're about as effective as James Corden's treadmill.
It's interesting… even although God doesn't see any of this cash Himself, it appears like He's able to afford to take a lot of vacations. He never seems to actually be working, so he must be on a beach somewhere.
By the way, He thanks you for your support. And since He is writing this, why does He keep talking about himself in the third person?
• Community Guidelines:
God Answers You promotes freedom of speech while encouraging courtesy and respect among participants. Unlike religion, God Answers You welcomes diverse viewpoints and opinions. God Answers You does expect all members to engage in constructive dialogue without resorting to trolling, harassment, or abusive behaviour. Content shared within our community should adhere to basic standards of decency and avoid promoting hate speech or violence. This isn't the Old Testament. We should aim to celebrate diversity and inclusion, and any form of discrimination or prejudice is strictly prohibited.
By participating, you agree to abide by these principles and contribute to fostering a welcoming environment for all (with the exception of James Corden).
Please note: Due to content and discussions primarily taking place on YouTube, we are all bound by YouTube's community guidelines. Yep, even I... God. YouTube's community guidelines do not reflect the values of God Answers You, as they do not encourage freedom of speech. However, in order to facilitate content sharing, YouTube's guidelines must be observed while using their services. God could say a lot more about this, but God wants to continue to be able post on YouTube.
• Sanity:
You hereby confirm that you are not a fan of, nor are you in any way impressed by: Nicki Minaj, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Jaden Smith, or the tubby chatshow guy who was in Cats.
• Disclaimer:
All answers provided by God Answers You are intended solely for parody and entertainment purposes. Much like the Bible, they are not to be taken seriously or construed as legitimate advice. Views expressed in responses are fictional and may not represent genuine beliefs or opinions. Users are encouraged to seek professional advice or consult relevant sources for authoritative guidance on specific matters.
God Answers You makes no warranties, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, reliability, or completeness of any content submitted by users. Views expressed in user-submitted content are those of the individual users and do not necessarily reflect the views of God Answers You.
Any resemblance to any God, living, dead or fictitious is purely coincidental.
• Agreement:
By submitting files to this site, or by watching the YouTube videos, or partaking in any discussions, you agree to the terms laid out on this website.
Phew, okay, I think we're done with the Terms and Conditions. At least they make a bit more sense than that other book I was involved with.
PLEASE NOTE: If you think anything here is distasteful or disrespectful, maybe you should actually read your Bible, then get back to me.
Now, like Achan and his family (Joshua 7:24-25), let's all get stoned.
(written by God Himself)
• Ownership:
By submitting content to this website, you affirm that you own or have obtained the necessary licenses, rights, consents, and permissions to submit the content you provide. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless God Answers You from any claims arising out of or related to the content you submit, including but not limited to copyright infringement, defamation, or violation of rights of publicity or privacy.
TL;DR:
Don't steal other people's stuff and pass it off as your own. I might consider adding that as an addendum to the whole "thou shalt not steal" commandment. Let's face it – that whole list of ten needs a bit of updating.
• Content Usage:
You grant God Answers You the non-exclusive, royalty-free, perpetual, and worldwide right to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, distribute, and display the content you provide in any media now known or hereafter developed. This includes, but is not limited to, featuring your question and video on God Answers You's YouTube channel, website, social media platforms, and other promotional materials
In other words, even though it's yours, I get to use it like I own it. That sounds fair, right? Mind you, I don't have a good track record with 'fairness' and 'ownership'. Remember, when I said this to the Israelites?
Leviticus 25:45 (NIV): "You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property."
Times may change, but God does not. God's morals are timeless. God's morals are eternal. God is pretty vile.
• Language:
Submitted files, and any correspondence should be in English. Submissions in languages other than English may not be considered for inclusion on God Answers You's platforms.
Asking everyone to use the same language is a bit of a turnaround, I know. Remember when I decided to make everyone speak different languages, just to confuse them and stop them working together to achieve things?
Genesis 11:6 (NIV): "The Lord said, 'If as one people speaking the same language, they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.'"
So, erm, yeah. Even though I did that, I can't be bothered to learn any of the other languages I made you guys learn. So, much like the British on holiday, I'll just expect everyone to speak English.
• Format:
Submissions should be under 30 seconds long. Longer submissions may be edited for length or may not be considered for inclusion on God Answers You's platforms. Videos are preferred for submissions, but audio-only submissions are also accepted. However, please note that video submissions are more likely to be chosen for use on God Answers You's platforms.
If your name happens to be Amy Schumer then audio probably won't be used - I don't want any copyright issues. And, of course, video certainly won't be used. Nobody wants to look at that.
Actually, I've drafted three extra commandments, inspired by Amy Schumer:
o Thou shalt not steal jokes.
o Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's cream cakes.
o Thou shalt not be an obnoxious, unfunny blob of a woman.
• Moderation:
God Answers You reserves the right to moderate, select, edit, or decline questions for any reason, including but not limited to relevance, appropriateness, quality, and adherence to YouTube's community guidelines.
Submission of a question does not guarantee its inclusion on God Answers You's platforms. However, it does count towards one of your five good deeds for the day. Or, is that fruit and vegetables? God always gets confused by that one.
• Privacy:
Your privacy is important to God. Well, not usually, but when it comes to this website it is. He is committed to protecting your personal information. He will not share, sell, or distribute your personal data, including email addresses, with any third parties without your explicit consent, except as required by law. The name provided with submissions may be used alongside the submission on YouTube.
As previously stated, privacy is not a thing you normally have with the Lord. He even knows what you're thinking:
Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV): "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."
It's like Christopher Hitchens once said: living with God in your life is like living in a celestial North Korea.
• Age Restrictions:
Individuals under 16 years of age must have parental consent before submitting content or making donations, in compliance with COPPA (Children's Online Privacy Protection Act).
Of course, I'm not really a fan of children. Just check out a couple of examples from my 'Good Book':
Leviticus 20:9 (NIV): "'Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head."
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (NIV): "If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us.' Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid."
Yep, this is the Bible, folks.
• Use of AI Content:
Submissions should not use AI-generated content in any way. All content must be original and created by the submitter.
We couldn't possibly have anything that suspiciously mirrors human behaviour being associated with anything God-like, now could we?
The God Delusion (1:1): "The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully."
Nailed it! I mean, erm... I'm offended.
• Donations:
By making a donation to God Answers You, you understand and agree that donations are non-refundable. Your donation is voluntary. Any reward or compensation is at the discretion of God Answers You and is not promised in exchange for a donation. Donations are not tax-deductible (unlike donations to real churches).
God Answers You is not a religious organisation, although is about as useful as one. Actually, donations to God Answers You do work in a similar way to religious donations i.e. God himself doesn't actually get any of your hard-earned cash.
Although historically, God is no stranger to asking for your money Himself. Remember when God hassled the Israelites for not giving enough tithes and offerings, and made his blessings conditional?
Malachi 3:8-10 (NIV): "Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How are we robbing you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."
Yep, He's always been greedy, Divine barterer. He loves to trade fanciful blessings for those juicy offerings. Of course, the offerings always end up in the pockets of his 'representatives' here on Earth. And the blessings? Well... they're about as effective as James Corden's treadmill.
It's interesting… even although God doesn't see any of this cash Himself, it appears like He's able to afford to take a lot of vacations. He never seems to actually be working, so he must be on a beach somewhere.
By the way, He thanks you for your support. And since He is writing this, why does He keep talking about himself in the third person?
• Community Guidelines:
God Answers You promotes freedom of speech while encouraging courtesy and respect among participants. Unlike religion, God Answers You welcomes diverse viewpoints and opinions. God Answers You does expect all members to engage in constructive dialogue without resorting to trolling, harassment, or abusive behaviour. Content shared within our community should adhere to basic standards of decency and avoid promoting hate speech or violence. This isn't the Old Testament. We should aim to celebrate diversity and inclusion, and any form of discrimination or prejudice is strictly prohibited.
By participating, you agree to abide by these principles and contribute to fostering a welcoming environment for all (with the exception of James Corden).
Please note: Due to content and discussions primarily taking place on YouTube, we are all bound by YouTube's community guidelines. Yep, even I... God. YouTube's community guidelines do not reflect the values of God Answers You, as they do not encourage freedom of speech. However, in order to facilitate content sharing, YouTube's guidelines must be observed while using their services. God could say a lot more about this, but God wants to continue to be able post on YouTube.
• Sanity:
You hereby confirm that you are not a fan of, nor are you in any way impressed by: Nicki Minaj, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Jaden Smith, or the tubby chatshow guy who was in Cats.
• Disclaimer:
All answers provided by God Answers You are intended solely for parody and entertainment purposes. Much like the Bible, they are not to be taken seriously or construed as legitimate advice. Views expressed in responses are fictional and may not represent genuine beliefs or opinions. Users are encouraged to seek professional advice or consult relevant sources for authoritative guidance on specific matters.
God Answers You makes no warranties, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, reliability, or completeness of any content submitted by users. Views expressed in user-submitted content are those of the individual users and do not necessarily reflect the views of God Answers You.
Any resemblance to any God, living, dead or fictitious is purely coincidental.
• Agreement:
By submitting files to this site, or by watching the YouTube videos, or partaking in any discussions, you agree to the terms laid out on this website.
Phew, okay, I think we're done with the Terms and Conditions. At least they make a bit more sense than that other book I was involved with.
PLEASE NOTE: If you think anything here is distasteful or disrespectful, maybe you should actually read your Bible, then get back to me.
Now, like Achan and his family (Joshua 7:24-25), let's all get stoned.
Last edited: